May 24, 2015

Jaden puts a shock to your system!?

According to the guy from Everybody Hates Chris and older brother to the star from Disney's Lab Rats, we're getting Static Shock in the form of Horrible Child and Actor, son to Horrible Parents and star of the Horrible Remake of Karate Kid, Jaden Smith...



I have to ask myself... WHY OH WHY WAS JADEN SMITH cast as Static? (if this story is true)

Wait... Spike! Are you trying to say that Jaden got that shot at Static because of his dad?
Because if you are, then we're thinking the same thing...
TO THE INTERNET!!
Well, it's not on IMDB... Hopefully this is not going to happen, but IMDB has revealed an uglier bit of news...
The Horrible Remake of Karate Kid is indeed getting a sequel... News have gone as far as 2014, but damn!
 There is only one silver lining on this... If this is true AND the Trivia section is correct, then

SWEEP THE LEG JOFFREY! might be the next big meme!!

But still! This is more of Will Smith punishing us by shoving his not quite as talented son in our faces...



May 23, 2015

10 ways to make Jem better

Chu's Jem is making the Tranktastic Four look like a masterpiece. I blame the production team for trying to attempt Jem at a shoestring budget.

So, here's my 10 ways that JEM could have been made better.

10: Eliminate the Justin Bieber inspired Youtube to fame story:
This is how people become famous nowadays... The other is to promote Racial and Gender segregation on Twitter, then whine about Harassment and pass the collection plate. But that's another rant for another day. Back on topic. Jem is not like any other girl. Her rise to fame was because of her talents as a singer (and the added motivations for Jerrica to wear the Holographic disguise)

9: Embrace the TRULY OUTRAGEOUS JEM premise:
We know that Jerrica becomes Jem in order to save her company's Foster Home for girls and to take control of her company from the clutches of the Evil Eric Raymond.

we have to add Raymond's ace in the hole, the Misfits and we pretty much have GI Joe, minus the pro-US Military angle and tons of fashion, glamour and glitter! From that base you can tell your own story, while staying true to the essence of Jem.

8: Have Synergy as she was on the show:
No Synergy = no Jem... Jerrica + Synergy = Jem. We needed Synergy to go into an extravagant 80s video vibe for live concerts... kinda like Vocaloids meet Michael Jackson LIVE... but with Jem.

7:Take things up a notch and make the movie in the SAME UNIVERSE AS TRANSFORMERS...
That could also help explain Synergy... She was made with Cybertronian Technology... BOOM!

6: Christy Marx:
While her work on JEM was work for hire, she did a lot of the work in "creating" the show, which means she understands the characters and would have been a great asset in making this project work.

5: If Jem doesn't truly work for the 21th Century, then make it a 1980s to early 1990s period piece.
 And the lower budget that the movie got would have allowed for some period accurate cheesy effects (for authenticity).

I know this is a Mattel ad, but the late 80s cheese is there.

4:Bigger budget:
I'm sorry but JEM is impossible to make correctly with a shoestring budget. Would Hasbro have done something in the $5 million in budget for Transformers? HELL NO! Unless they intended to go cheesy (which based on the trailer they're trying to be serious about it) the low budget is hindering the making of a true Jem flick!

3:Taking pot shots at Hannah Montana or referencing it:
The movie could still do this, but If I were in charge of the movie I'd totally make a reference to the Disneyfied knock-off. After 20-something years being out of action, Millenials need to learn who was the Original Secret Pop Star long before Billy Ray and Trish bumped uglies. Bonus points if they had gotten a cameo from Miley.

2:Keep the Secret Identity a Secret:
If pretty much everything else from JEM was unavailable, this is the only thing that should have been kept all the way till the end. Most of Jerrica/Jem's struggles COME from the dual life. (Though why Jerrica never dumps Rio is something that has bothered me for quite some time.)

1: Scrap it, until more competent people can be brought on board:
Justin Bieber's Agent. the guy who makes the super cheap Paranormal Activity movies, and the Director of Justin Bieber coming out of his shell? No wonder this movie has all the signs of a POS...

I know this can all be condensed by saying: MAKE A FAITHFUL JEM ADAPTATION WITH A BIGGER BUDGET, YOU DICKWEEDS! but I have to rant and vent.